Project Me: December and 2013 reviewed

My only goal for December was to make an appointment with my therapist to deal with my anxiety and the binge eating, binge shopping, and horrible obsessive/compulsive behaviors that accompany it. I saw my therapist at the beginning of December and just talking to her made things inside my head a lot more calm. She asked me to keep track of my moods, particularly when I’m feeling more anxious than usual, so that we can isolate any common triggers. We also talked about letting things just be and challenging my constant need for order with the thought, “What would happen if I just left that mess over there? Will anyone be hurt? Why do I care what others think?” I’m doing more of both of those behaviors and definitely feel less anxious than I was before our appointment. I’d like to follow up with her next month but my work schedule is a little insane in January, so we’ll have to see.

This being the last day of the year, I’m also going to take this opportunity to review how I did with my goals for 2013, which were:

  • fasting blood sugar reading below 130 mg/dL – done and dusted; my fasting blood sugar readings this time last year were hovering near 200 (very dangerous) and now they are consistently below 100 and usually closer to 90. [Clinical recommendation for diabetics is fasting/pre-meal readings between 70 and 130, so I'm right in the middle.]
  • triglycerides reading less than 150 mg/dL – done; last time I had blood work done, my triglycerides were below 100 without any medication, so I’m thrilled by that. [Clinical recommendation for diabetics is triglycerides of under 100, so I'm in the clear here.]
  • body weight at or below 169 pounds (putting me into the Overweight category on BMI scale)  - as of this morning, I weigh 167 pounds with 37% body fat, for a BMI of 29.6, officially Overweight. I weighed in on February 1st of this year at 244 with 49% body fat and a BMI of 43.2, officially Morbidly Obese. [I still have 27 pounds to lose in order to be within the Normal weight range for my height.]
  • waist measurement of not more than 39 inches – this was the goal I was most concerned about. At the beginning of the month I still had 1-1/2 inches to go and that just didn’t seem achievable to me. I wrapped the tape measure around me this morning and told myself it would be OK if it wasn’t 39 inches or less. I mean, seriously, look at eveyrthing I’ve achieved this year, so if I miss on one out of five, that’s not too bad. I checked in the mirror to make sure the tape was straight, squeezed my eyes shut while I exhaled deeply, then looked down to see the tape end directly below the big “39″, and I cried – I hit it perfectly. I have lost 14 inches from my waist since February. I know it shouldn’t matter so much to me, but it does. It really, really does. So damn proud. [Clinical recommendation for a healthy woman is a waistline measurement of less than 32-1/2 inches, so I've got quite a way to go to get there but I am SO MUCH CLOSER than this time last year.]
  • an improved quality of life as perceived by me – this was my “wild card” goal for the year. There is no quantitative measure to show how much my life overall has improved but here are some important (to me) data points:
    • I’ve made it a point to schedule time with my parents every other month in 2013 and have already set up monthly get-togethers for the first four months of 2014. My life is better when I stay connected with my family.
    • TCB and I have taken more vacations together this year than in any previous year of our relationship. While it’s nice to be able to travel on my own, when we do things together, everything just feels more “right”. We have both scaled back on our volunteer obligations and spend more time together being active every day instead of running around like crazy people trying to fit everything and everyone else in. If it doesn’t tie back to our goal of making and maintaining a happy, healthy family then it goes to the bottom of the list. (And we’re OK when we don’t get anywhere close to the bottom of the list most weeks.) We have subscriptions to two local theater companies and have attended five live productions since October, including one last Sunday.
    • I still fight with my depression but not as much as in the past. I recognize it when it comes much faster than I used to so that I can start to deal with it, and once that’s happened it’s well on its way out.
    • I stopped ignoring my dental problems, had 15 teeth extracted (that’s half of them), and am now on a schedule of regular dental exams and cleanings.
    • I walk a 5K before breakfast, five days a week. I take Pilates Reformer classes twice a week. This year I completed a Sprint Duathlon, Couch to 5K, at least one 5K event every month, and I started a group at work that walks two miles every afternoon.
a year of walking Project Me: December and 2013 reviewed

This is the face of a happy, healthy woman!

Twenty-thirteen has been an amazing year of becoming happier and growing stronger, and for the first time since 1998 I won’t start the new year with dread and the knowledge that I still need to do something about my weight. It’s funny: once I stopped worrying about the weight and put the focus on my health, everything in my life improved.

I’m going to get off of the computer very soon until next year, so I’ll share my Project Me goals for 2014 in a separate post. Tell me, though, how did you do in 2013 with your healthy living goals and what will you do more of or differently in 2014?

Workout Wednesday: December 11

3413789541 72be32e71d m Workout Wednesday: December 11

Exercising with Good Housekeeping by Kevin Dooley via Flickr

My newest exercise obsession is mall walking. TCB and I head to one of our many large, local shopping malls after breakfast on Sunday and walk at least one lap of every square inch. We sometimes stop at stores that catch our eye and sometimes not. (We usually do, especially this time of year.) It makes a really nice change from solitary power walking and is something both of us enjoy, so it contributes to our happy marriage, too. Bonuses!

What did I do this week?
Wednesday – 2.9 mile walk around the neighborhood (15,162 steps)
Thursday – 2.92 mile walk around the neighborhood in the morning plus four laps on the walking path at work (18,491 steps)
Friday – Four laps on the walking path at work, plus Pilates Reformer class (15,961 steps)
Saturday – An hour on the treadmill at the gym and nothing else (11,911 steps)
Sunday – 2.68 mile walk in the neighborhood, mall walking, plus Pilates Reformer class (16,437 steps)
Monday – Four laps on the walking path at work (11,833 steps)
Tuesday – 3.49 mile walk in the neighborhood plus three laps on the walking path at work (20,501 steps)

Another contributing factor to my increased step count is that I’ve got Outlook reminders set for 55 minutes after every hour that I’m at work, to remind me to get up and walk a lap on the inside of our building. On a good day, that’s at least eight laps. Not only is it good for my physical fitness but I’m sure it will help with the eye strain I sometimes get when we get crazy at work and I never, ever leave my desk and laptop.

What is your favorite way to get some healthy exercise in during the hectic holidays?

Project Me: October & November review and my goals for the remainder of 2013

[I somehow did not do a check-in for October nor set any goals for November. Can't fix that now, so we'll just review how I've done with my goals from October before moving on to goals for December.]

My goals for October were:

  1. Stop spending so much time reading other blogs, shopping, and being a social media fan girl and actually start writing here more often – I’ve been a bit better about this and certainly I’ve written more here since setting the goal than I did before, so we’ll call this at least a partial success.
  2. Continue working on eating after 7:00 pm – Well, if you’d asked me before Thanksgiving how I was doing with this, I’d have said that it was firmly in the “win” column, but I’ve been turning to my old way of dealing with stress and anxiety (binge eating); this is not good. It’s always late at night (after 7:00 pm) and it’s always when I’m alone. You’d think the success (so far) of Project Me would have made me more relaxed and less anxious, and to a certain extent that’s true. In some ways, though, it’s actually made me more anxious and compulsive than I was before. I’m at that point now where everyone I meet is taken aback by my slimmer appearance, and most of them remark on the difference. I don’t know how to deal with compliments, particularly not about my appearance, so it produces a lot of anxiety. I’m also obsessing about losing the last six pounds I need to drop before I reach the “Overweight” BMI designation and stop being “Obese” officially. Nothing in my health is going to change in any way from losing those six pounds – it’s just a mental/emotional thing for me and I’m blowing it out of proportion. I must deal with the underlying anxiety in order to keep tight control of my diabetes but it is also a huge source of unhappiness for me and I’m tired of it.
  3. Get my flu shot and figure out what I need to do to get a pneumonia shot – did not do this. Honestly, I never really wanted to, have never done it before, and am fairly certain I’m safe without the shots.
  4. Re-jigger my schedule so that I can fit a weekly strength training session in AND go for an outdoor bike ride -Well, I achieved something close to this – I’m now taking Pilates Reformer classes twice a week, which is great for my strength training needs (and is probably contributing to my fairly drastic drop in body fat percentage). With Pilates early on Sunday morning and Weight Watchers early on Saturday, my only real option for riding my bike is Saturday after WW and that is only possible on days when I don’t have any other engagements on Saturday. I’ve managed a total of two outdoor bike rides in all of October and November and probably two or three more indoor on the stationary bike. Oh well, I’m getting lots of activity now and I’m happy with my body, so I’m not going to sweat this one.

My goals for 2013 have been published and they include:

  • fasting blood sugar reading below 130 mg/dL – already achieved, need to maintain
  • triglycerides reading less than 150 mg/dL – already achieved, need to maintain
  • body weight at or below 169 pounds (putting me into the Overweight category on BMI scale) – 35 5 more pounds in 24.5 three weeks (not sure I’ll make this one but I’m sure going to keep trying!)
  • waist measurement of not more than 39 inches –1 more inch in 24.5 three months (side note: wow, I lost 4-1/2 inches from my waist since August 1 – must have done something right!)(not sure about the likelihood of making this one, either, but I’m going to push hard)
  • an improved quality of life as perceived by me – well on my way to achieving this!

So, will I work on for the next 25 days?

  1. Make an appointment with my therapist to deal with my anxiety and the binge eating, binge shopping, and horrible obsessive/compulsive behaviors that accompany it. Period. Yup, that’s it. While the spending and the compulsive straightening up around the house are embarrassing and dangerous for my long-term happiness, the binge eating has the real potential to not just damage my body through higher blood sugars, but also knock me right off track with Project Me. This is a big milestone deliverable and it deserves my full attention for December.

So tell me: what healthy habits are you focusing on for the rest of the year?

High Five Friday: A chance to help other diabetics

highfivefriday6 High Five Friday: A chance to help other diabetics

This week I’m excited about an interview that I gave today to a blog with a large, national reach and a substantial focus on diabetes education.They talked to me about Project Me – how I came to start this initiative, how I chose my goals for the project – that sort of thing. I’m hoping that something in my story will help other diabetics who might be struggling to find a way to focus their desire to improve their control of this disease into something actionable and sustainable.

Your turn: what have you done this week that deserves a high five?

Happy Veterans Day & Diabetes Awareness Month

Veterans Day Happy Veterans Day & Diabetes Awareness Month

I borrowed this from the Lilly Pulitzer blog – it perfectly blends my love of all things bright and floral with my patriotic spirit!

Today I’d like to thank every member of the United States armed services for their service and sacrifice. Similarly, I would also like to acknowledge and thank the sacrifices made by the families of service members, too. (Believe me, they also serve.) Less than 1% of the families in this country have a member currently serving in the military. Less than 1%. Please take time every day to thank those in your life who put service ahead of self.

November is National Diabetes Awareness Month, the aim of which is to increase knowledge and understanding of this disease. Most of you know that I am diabetic, as are about 26 million other Americans. The type of diabetes that I have is called Type II – which used to be called “adult onset” until children under 18 began being diagnosed, too – and I am fortunate that my condition is currently well controlled with diet, exercise, and oral medication (Metformin). At the beginning of the year, I was injecting the maximum dose of long-acting insulin, a non-insulin injectible medication (Victoza), taking a pill to make my body produce more insulin on its own (Glipizide) plus a prescription-strength Omega-3 pill (Lovaza) and cholesterol medication (Tricor) to lower my triglycerides, AND double my current dose of Metformin – to absolutely no avail. I was a virtual walking pharmacy and none of it could get my numbers (blood sugar and triglycerides) into the recommended ranges.

I have made a lot of changes to my eating and exercise routines since then and have been fortunate to see drastic, positive changes in my health, but lifestyle changes such as the ones I’ve made this year don’t work for everyone – certainly not for Type I diabetics, who must inject insulin with every meal in order to allow their bodies to process the food that they eat – and so more must be done to spread awareness of ways to avoid diabetes as well as funding critical research to find new and better medical therapies for both Type I and Type II diabetics.

Last month, I was approached to participate in an online diabetes awareness-raising activity. The results of the project can be seen here and I’m very proud to be part of such a great group of bloggers with diabetes. Please take a moment to check it out and let me know if you have any questions about diabetes that I can help with. Knowledge is always powerful and it’s one of the best weapons against diabetes, too.

Half empty or Half full? Neither, actually

This post contains an affiliate link, which means that if you click on that link, I’ll receive a percentage of the price you pay if you purchase the product from Amazon.

halfway 200x300 Half empty or Half full? Neither, actually

55 pounds gone, 55 more to go!

Somehow, in the last not-quite-seven months, I’ve managed to shed 55 pounds of extra weight. I’ve also lost three medications related to my Type 2 diabetes that I didn’t need once I started eating better and exercising every day. (I’m on the cusp of losing one more, too, which will leave me only taking a single prescription.) I’ve also lost the ability to wear virtually every single item of clothing in my closet and chest of drawers. (I’ve developed a much closer relationship with my tailor, too.)

More important (to me) than what I’ve lost is what I’ve gained since February 1st:

  • Better health
  • More energy
  • A daily workout habit that I don’t just enjoy, I actually look forward to*
  • A closer relationship with my husband (we’re creating a healthier lifestyle together)
  • Enhanced ability to cope with my depression (it’s still there but I recognize it faster and seem more able to push through even in the worst of it)
  • Dedicated, pre-scheduled time for me (my weekday mornings are for working out, Saturday at 7:00 am is my Weight Watchers meeting – followed by an hour at the gym, and Sunday at 8:00 am is my loved/dreaded Pilates Reformer class)

* OK, I don’t look forward to the required training workouts for the duathlon I signed up for in October – they stink! – but when it’s just a single workout that I choose, I love it!

Things are not perfect, however. I still struggle with my almost pathological fear of allowing myself to be vulnerable (or anything less than 100% perfect at all times) and that worries me a lot. Last week I was all set to take a Pure Barre Lite class at the center near my house before I saw the girls heading into class and chickened out. They were all in great shape physically and very petite, so I convinced myself that I couldn’t bear the humiliation of being the only obese person in class.

Interestingly, I’m in the middle of reading Dr. Brene Brown’s The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are, [affiliate link] where she spends many, many pages extolling the virtues of releasing the need to be perfect in order to fit in (or even trying to “fit in” at all). I’ve also recently started following Jia Jiang‘s blog where he not only talks about living life without letting fear of rejection get in your way but actually goes out and courts rejection whenever possible. Once I stopped mentally berating myself for being weak, I started thinking about what these two people – both of whom came into my life, albeit only virtually, at the same time – would tell me about my Pure Barre (non) experience.

I’m pretty sure Dr. Brown would tell me to stop feeling shame about my fat self and how I got this way and also that if the class is for me then no one there will expect me to be anything that I’m not and, in fact, they’ll actually love me as I am for who I am and what I bring to class. Jia Jiang talks a lot about viewing rejection as an important milestone on the journey to eventual success, and that the rejection itself says as much about the other person as it does about the person or concept being rejected. In light of this, I’m guessing that he would tell me to give Pure Barre a try because even if it ends up as badly as I’m afraid it will then I’ll be one step closer to finding a strength & flexibility class that I will love. So, I’m going to class on Wednesday morning and we’ll see how it goes.

I’m learning that this “building a healthier, happier life” thing isn’t for wusses, and the physical discomfort involved is the very least challenging part of what’s required.

Project Me: July review and goals for August

My goals for July were:

  1. Finish Couch to 5K program (I’ll be starting week 5 of the program this week if all goes well with the surgery), be able to jog 30 minutes straight – I’m very, very close to being complete – just finished Week 7, Day 2 – but I’m not done yet. I’ve developed some sort of mental block about running and I just don’t want to do it. I walk every day, though, so it’s not as though I’m not burning calories, just not running
  2. Make an appointment with a personal trainer to develop a strength training program I can begin – complete fail. I do not like strength training, never have, and while I say that I want to start doing it, in my heart I do not. I’m going to face reality on this one and move it to the backlog for consideration at a later date. [Note that I DID take a Pilates Reformer class this month, though, and that seriously kicked my butt. Nothing like using your ~200 pound body for resistance!]
  3. Reach out to friends & family to make sure that I have scheduled time with at least one person I love every week this month – I think I did pretty well with this one. The surgery at the beginning of July really threw a wrench into the first two weeks of the month because I was on heavy duty pain killers for five days then trying to figure out how to eat semi-regular foods with my new (fake) teeth. Still, I saw my childhood penpal from the UK while she and her family were in San Diego the weekend of July 19th, I went to an event downtown for healthy living bloggers at a great Mexican food restaurant, met fellow San Diegan blogger Kay Lynn for coffee after Weight Watchers, and went to lunch with my BFF, so I think I’ll mark this one as “done”

My revised goals for 2013 have been published and they include:

  • fasting blood sugar reading below 130 mg/dL – already achieved, need to maintain
  • triglycerides reading less than 150 mg/dL – already achieved, need to maintain
  • body weight at or below 169 pounds (putting me into the Overweight category on BMI scale) – 35 23.8 more pounds in six five months
  • waist measurement of not more than 39 inches – 5-1/2 4-1/2 more inches in six five months
  • an improved quality of life as perceived by me – well on my way to achieving this!

Given that, what am I focusing on for August?

  1. Finish Couch to 5K program, be able to jog 30 minutes straight – I’ve started it, so I want to finish. It’s not as though it hurts to jog, I just don’t enjoy it
  2. Attend one Pilates Reformer class per week – if I’m not going to do traditional strength training, perhaps I’ll fall in love with the painful experience that is Reformer class!
  3. Consume no more than 20 ounces of latte drinks each day – I’d gotten into a bad habit of swinging by Coffee Bean on my way to work and after dinner, each time picking up a large latte. That’s 400 calories a day and it’s nearly pure sugar because of the milk, so I’m cutting that in half. I want to chew my calories and I want them to have a reasonable amount of fiber, too!
  4. Complete six cardio workouts of at least 45 minutes each a week – I must increase the number of calories I’m burning if I’m going to make my weight and waist measurement goals for the year. I’m currently doing 5-6 cardio workouts each week but they’re 30-45 minutes each and I really need to do 45 or more for maximum calorie burning. No, I’m not getting obsessive here, although getting at least an hour of moderate intensity exercise per day has been proven effective – by the National Weight Control Registry – at maintaining a significant weight loss, which I hope to be doing by this time next year!
lottalatte strong is beautiful 300x300 Project Me: July review and goals for August

a good month

Given that last month started off with me losing 15 teeth, I think I ended the month pretty well. I’ve been fighting with the depression again for the last 10 days or so but I’m not letting it knock me off my healthy routines. Being able to buy non-plus size clothes now is a great motivator, as is hearing that I look “ten years younger” from work colleagues, but honestly, just knowing that each step I take is a step away from early death brought on my diabetic complications is really the best motivation I’ve found to get the shoes laced up and get me out the door for a walk every morning.

You cannot imagine how good it feels after so many years of adding more and more drugs to my daily routine and still seeing my blood sugar and triglycerides rise and rise to see my well-controlled blood sugar readings each morning! When I wonder if it’s worth it to get up earlier to walk or not to eat a sweet dessert that looks yummy, that’s what I remember: sitting in my endocrinologist’s office on November 29th of last year listening to him tell me that there were no drug therapies left to try and I needed to start daily insulin injections.I’m off all but two of my medications and I have to keep monitoring my blood sugar and adjusting my nightly insulin to make sure that I don’t go too low in the mornings. Is it worth the sacrifice to feel this way? Absolutely, without a doubt!

What motivates you to make healthy choices? And, in a related thought, do you have any great songs that you listen to while working out? I find that jogging/running isn’t nearly so awful if I have great music to listen to, but I’m getting bored with the same songs every day, so I need new material, friends!

Training for a 5K

I have walked lots of 5K events in my adult life. I even challenged myself to walk a 5K every month in 2011. There is something about a 5K event that appeals to me – it’s long enough to be more than my standard, daily walk but not so long that I want to die when I’m done.

Back in 1996 and 1997 I used to run at least one 5K every month, if not more. Of course that was back when I was 140 pounds and ran approximately 35 miles a week, just for fun. I loved running because of the way it made me feel: powerful, fit, & strong. With an extra 100 or so pounds on my frame, it just wasn’t possible for me to run without tremendous pain – I tried – but I never stopped missing how it made me feel.

About a month ago, an advertisement for the Nike Womens Half Marathon came across my desk and I clicked through to read more. The race doesn’t take place until October – my birth month! – so I was fairly confident that I would have enough time to train for walking that distance. Then I read that there’s a time limit on the event in order to get one of the gorgeous Tiffany finisher necklaces. A time limit that would require me to run, not walk, if I wanted to get the necklace.

nwm 2013 tiffany necklace medal 300x300 Training for a 5K

Nike womens marathon finisher medal!

Hmmm. I started wondering about whether running was an option for me now that I’ve dropped a few pounds, so I popped the speed on my treadmill at the gym up to 4.2mph and jogged for the last 60 seconds of my scheduled walk. I didn’t die nor did I have any pain later on, so I decided to do some research on training programs that would allow me to safely increase my jogging until I could complete an entire 5K event.

That very same day, I received an email directing me to Couch to 5K training tips created by Mo Langley, personal trainer and fitness expert for the 2013 Dana Point Turkey Trot. While Mo’s tips are specifically directed at those intending to walk their first 5K, they’re equally applicable for a novice 5K runner, too. Here are the main points of Mo’s advice:

Before you jump off the couch and walk a 5K, or 3.1 miles, there are a few things to consider:

  1. Please, please, please check with your doctor or health professional before embarking on any fitness program….yes, even walking!
  2. Get some good supportive shoes.
  3. Find a walking buddy, your spouse, child, dog, best friend or neighbor.
  4. Realistically look at your weekly schedule and schedule your walks accordingly. Find your motivation…why are you doing this?

To read the rest of Mo’s thoughts on training for a 5K, visit the Dana Point Turkey Trot training site.

I checked with my endocrinologist (diabetes doctor) and got his blessing to begin jogging. He advised me to check my blood sugar before and after jogging to make sure that it wasn’t too low, and to always carry an emergency snack with me in case of low blood sugar in the middle of a workout. He also agreed with Mo that good, supportive shoes are a must because diabetic feet sometimes have trouble healing and a blister could put me out of commission for a while.

Armed with all of this good information and the right pair of shoes, I’ve just completed week 4 (of 9) of my Couch to 5K training and am really feeling strong. While my application for the Nike Womens Half Marathon wasn’t accepted – they do a random draw and mine wasn’t chosen – I am still excited about jogging and eventually running a 5K, 10K, and half marathon in the next year. I will, of course, keep you updated on my progress and I’d love to hear about your 5K experiences, be they walking, jogging, or running.

Project Me: April retrospective and review

My goals for April were:

  1. Make appointments with my optometrist and a periodontist – DONE. My eye appointment was on May 15 and my periodontal appointment was on May 22.
  2. Take 10,000 steps per day at least 5 days a week – DONE. (Note that this was before The Depression kicked in.)
  3. Cook one meal at home in April – if I can’t manage that, I might just give up on cooking entirely. I think I’m ready to call Uncle on this one. The problem, as far as I can tell, is that I don’t really want to cook at home. I have been successfully improving key areas of health and happiness in my life for three months now without cooking at home, so I don’t really have enough motivation to overcome my dislike for all of the hassle, planning, and MESS that comes with cooking, either. So I’m officially stating for the record that I am no longer beating myself up for not cooking at home because I am making great food and eating choices while eating out and I can afford it, too.
  4. Make an appointment with my hair stylist for highlights – DONE. My appointment was on April 19 and I just love the sunny look of my hair now. (You almost can’t see the gray at my temples. Almost.)
  5. Do something fun at least once a week – I might have accidentally had some fun every week in April but I didn’t really concentrate on it, as I’d intended to do when I set up my goals. This definitely requires more focus!

You might have noticed the date on this post – May 30 – and wondered to yourself, “Why has it taken Denise an entire month to update us on her progress?,” or even, “What happened to May???”

What happened indeed!

The short and simple answer is that I have been fighting with a major depressive episode for roughly the last six weeks. This is not the usual blip on the radar that passes through my universe every month and then goes away without doing much damage, rather this is a terrible beastly thing that devours my happiness, my self-esteem, and any desire I might have to be creative and clever.

Lots of good things happened in April/May, too, especially in regards to my health. I was able to tick off several of my overall health goals for the year before the end of the first third of 2013, and I’m so happy & proud to be able to say that. (Related Note: Look for a reassessment of my 2013 Project Me goals coming soon!) The scale was kind, too, and although I am trying very hard not to let that be the primary barometer of “how I’m doing”, it’s hard to miss the fact that I’ve donated five large trash bags of clothing and shoes to charity since February 1 because things keep falling off of me.

I truly hope that I’m turning the corner and am on my way out of the worst of the depression, so I ought to have my Goals for June up by the weekend. Bless your hearts if you’re still here and still reading!

How am I doing? (a check in)

Things are going well here at Lottalatte Central, at least health-wise. My blood sugar readings are consistently good, I’m at the gym at least five mornings a week for 45 minutes a go, and I’m eating nearly no white carbs while adding loads more beans, fruits, and veggies to my meals. TCB is also monitoring his food intake and is incredibly supportive of my need to get a grip on my health; we have honestly never been happier.

28530048 ebf9e5ca7b How am I doing? (a check in)

Balanced rocks by gr8what via Flickr

On the other side of the equation, our 20 year old house guest – Alcott’s 20 year old sister – disappeared for 28 days with nary a word then when I inquired as to when she planned to come and get her things (and her cat), got very offended, stomped up and down the stairs in silence for 90 minutes while moving out, and has been ignoring us ever since. I suppose it’s silly of me to expect some kind of “thank you” for the nine months we let her stay with us rent and household expense free but I’m still bothered by her behavior. Still, it’s for the best and her leaving has given me the time I’ve needed to focus on working out and eating properly, so all’s well that ends well.

While my blood sugar has been responding beautifully to the changes in diet and exercise, the scale has not been as ready to drop. Not to say that I’m not losing weight, it’s just that when your mind has already shifted into “I’m living a healthy lifestyle and I’m a healthy, fit person” mode, it’s disconcerting to realize that it’s not that simple when it comes to losing weight. I didn’t gain 100 pounds overnight – although it sometimes feels like it! – and it’s not going to come off that way, either. I keep catching myself day dreaming about all of the gorgeous clothes I’m going to wear “soon”, when I can fit into normal clothing sizes instead of being stuck with the few items of plus sized clothing that don’t look like they were made by Omar the Tent Maker. The problem arises when I realize with a thud that I’m still MILES and MILES from anywhere near being out of plus sizes. “But I’m ready now,” wails my poor, confused brain, while my body just goes about the difficult business of shedding over 100 pounds in a safe and sane manner.

It’s a difficult business, this healthy living gig.