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How am I doing? (a check in)

March 24, 2013 By Leave a Comment

Things are going well here at Lottalatte Central, at least health-wise. My blood sugar readings are consistently good, I’m at the gym at least five mornings a week for 45 minutes a go, and I’m eating nearly no white carbs while adding loads more beans, fruits, and veggies to my meals. TCB is also monitoring his food intake and is incredibly supportive of my need to get a grip on my health; we have honestly never been happier.

28530048 ebf9e5ca7b How am I doing? (a check in)

Balanced rocks by gr8what via Flickr

On the other side of the equation, our 20 year old house guest – Alcott’s 20 year old sister – disappeared for 28 days with nary a word then when I inquired as to when she planned to come and get her things (and her cat), got very offended, stomped up and down the stairs in silence for 90 minutes while moving out, and has been ignoring us ever since. I suppose it’s silly of me to expect some kind of “thank you” for the nine months we let her stay with us rent and household expense free but I’m still bothered by her behavior. Still, it’s for the best and her leaving has given me the time I’ve needed to focus on working out and eating properly, so all’s well that ends well.

While my blood sugar has been responding beautifully to the changes in diet and exercise, the scale has not been as ready to drop. Not to say that I’m not losing weight, it’s just that when your mind has already shifted into “I’m living a healthy lifestyle and I’m a healthy, fit person” mode, it’s disconcerting to realize that it’s not that simple when it comes to losing weight. I didn’t gain 100 pounds overnight – although it sometimes feels like it! – and it’s not going to come off that way, either. I keep catching myself day dreaming about all of the gorgeous clothes I’m going to wear “soon”, when I can fit into normal clothing sizes instead of being stuck with the few items of plus sized clothing that don’t look like they were made by Omar the Tent Maker. The problem arises when I realize with a thud that I’m still MILES and MILES from anywhere near being out of plus sizes. “But I’m ready now,” wails my poor, confused brain, while my body just goes about the difficult business of shedding over 100 pounds in a safe and sane manner.

It’s a difficult business, this healthy living gig.

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Doing my bit for Science

March 22, 2013 By Leave a Comment

Having diabetes stinks. No really, it does. It’s not the dread Death Sentence some media outlets like to make it out to be but it definitely does stink.

(Did you know that insulin can make you gain weight? Insulin which most Type 2 diabetics will end up needing at some point in their lives? Basically, you need to lose weight to help control your blood sugar but the drug that you need to help you manage your blood sugar will make it tougher to lose weight. Just one of the special little gifts that come with your diabetes diagnosis – yay!)

Then you’ve got the stigma attached to being a person with Type 2 diabetes. Because one of the risk factors for Type 2 is being overweight, there’s a perception that we “deserve” this disease because we wouldn’t be here if we weren’t fat. Seriously, I’ve had people tell me that to my face. Whether that’s true or not, no one deserves diabetes and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Three times yearly visits to the endocrinologist (diabetes doctor). Keeping track of what you eat versus your pre- and post-meal blood sugar readings so that you can try to figure out which foods don’t send your body into orbit with extra sugar. Finding it harder to lose weight even as your doctor tells you that you “really ought to” focus on losing some weight. Is it any wonder that so many diabetics also battle depression? And of course, depression can make getting out of bed a huge accomplishment, much less exercising and planning nutritious, low calorie meals. It’s all much easier with support from friends and family but the depression and shame can make it tough to reach out.

Enter Ginger.io, a company dedicated to using big data to help make new discoveries for treating chronic diseases like diabetes. I recently signed up for a pilot they are running to gather passive data about activity levels among Type 2 diabetics that can be used for several purposes.

sanofi landing page 122712 c 300x232 Doing my bit for Science

In essence, each of the participants downloads an application to their smart phone and then just goes about their daily business. Every day I receive a one-question survey about my mood the day prior, and once weekly I answer a survey about how I’m doing with my diabetes tasks and another about how my quality of life has been for the past week. Simple Simon. The application then tracks how active I’ve been – not with steps or calories burned or anything like that, but how many miles I’ve traveled, text messages I’ve sent, and phone calls I’ve made. Right now the application just gives me interesting tidbits about how my activity this week compares to what I did last week or today’s travels versus yesterday’s, but the plan is that in the future, if I specify people in my support circle, the application will track how I’m doing and alert those that I specify when my activity drops and my survey results show I’m not doing well.

Imagine that: I’m dealing with depression and struggling with my diabetes, and then TCB will just know as if by magic that I need help. Wow.

In addition to the selfish part of this exercise, the application is also gathering important behavioral information about a group of folks with Type II diabetes that can then be used to help create new methods for treating diabetes and those suffering from the disease.

If you or someone you know has been diagnosed with Type II diabetes and this program sounds like something you’d like to hear more about, click here to find out more or to sign up for the on-going pilot today.

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Put One Foot In Front of the Other

February 14, 2013 By 3 Comments
Song PutOneFootInFront 300x228 Put One Foot In Front of the Other

(from Santa Claus is Coming to Town)

I don’t know what to think. I’ve gotten so used to failure and disappointment when it comes to making good choices about my eating and exercise habits that I’m scared. Scared because it’s all coming together so seemingly easily. And I remember when it used to be easy but then one day it wasn’t any more. So I don’t want to relax and enjoy the feeling because if I stop being scared maybe it will all evaporate and I’ll be back where I started, disappointed and sad. And hopeless.

But I have hope now – I’m letting myself feel just the faintest glimmer of hope again – and that is everything.

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Project Me check in: Tuesday

February 12, 2013 By 2 Comments

What I’ve done since last check-in: Lost a pound, tracked every morsel of food going into my mouth using MyFitnessPal, worked out three times for 30 minutes each time, stopped using food to self-soothe

Plan for the rest of the week: attend my Weigh 2 Eat class tonight, attend Making Peace With Food class tomorrow night, work out two more times for 33 minutes each time, read another chapter of 50 Ways to Soothe Yourself Without Food (highly recommended if you, like me, struggle with how to deal with your emotions without turning to food)

4481575790 11dce5d65e Project Me check in: Tuesday

The greatest wealth is health by katerha via Flickr

Random thoughts that may or may not be of interest to anyone but me:

  1. I am married to the most amazing man ever. Truly. I am half-crazed with work stress and he finds lots of little ways to help defuse my anger and frustration. He takes care of me the way that I ought to take care of myself and that is beyond the call of duty.
  2. The first Spring Training games are next Friday. Oh, how I love baseball!
  3. Shakespeare had it right: How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is to have a thankless child. [No further details, just had to get that out of my head and on paper.]
I need to write about Ginger.io and how much I love knowing that I’m contributing to a knowledge base of information that will help diabetics more effectively manage their disease, so expect a post about that soon. Also one about Fitbit and how much I love their devices. Neither of these companies are giving me a darned thing other than highly effective tools to help me make good choices, so this is coming from my heart (not my pockets).
OK, I’m off to my Weigh 2 Eat class, so ta-ta for now!
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Project Me check in

February 6, 2013 By Leave a Comment

How did I do yesterday? Pretty well, actually. I had my first Weigh 2 Eat class and committed to tracking my food via MyFitnessPal. I think it’s going to be a great group and I’m looking forward to 16 weeks of learning how to get to a healthy weight and stay there. No diet or exercise plans, just habits and best practices that have worked for successful weight losers/maintainers with a healthy dose of checking in with ourselves and the rest of the group for support.

Exfoliated in the morning. Took all of my medications. Washed my face before bed and used my eye cream and overnight moisturizer.

Plan for today: Came to work dressed to work out. Hoping to get in 30 minutes on the treadmill before grabbing a 500 calorie dinner from Rubio’s and heading to my Making Peace With Food class for the evening.

5020327661 0607da5ed1 Project Me check in

Counting Beads 2 by the little list via Flickr

Just figured out how many calories are in the baby carrots, Cuties, and grape tomatoes I’m eating. I can’t believe I’m counting tomatoes!

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What happened to January?

February 2, 2013 By Leave a Comment

“If you want to make God laugh, tell Him about your plans.” Woody Allen

I had such big plans for January and then my life became completely unglued when things at work went crazy over New Year’s Day weekend and things still haven’t settled down since.

What happened to January?

“Bicycle” by Riccardo Mottola via Flickr

Throughout January I told myself that I needed to come here to report out on my progress, as I’d promised. To put my long- and short-term goals in writing so that I could be accountable. And the thought of the “big post” I needed to do just completely exhausted me, so I stayed away.

I did so some good thinking about what I want to do in the next 333 days and I even took what I think are some good steps toward achieving my goals for the year. So, without further ado, let me share my goals for February, each of which ladders back to my bigger goals for 2013, which were

  • fasting blood sugar reading below 130 mg/dL
  • triglycerides reading less than 150 mg/dL
  • body weight at or below 220 pounds,
  • and an improved quality of life as perceived by me

Goals for February:

  1. Join gym with Mick – helps both of us get and stay healthier
  2. Work out at gym four times a week for 30-45 minutes each visit – nothing too strenuous or involved, just get in there and move; exercise is very good at helping to lower my blood sugar
  3. No snacking on junk in the afternoons at work – purchase fruit and veggies, have them prepared and ready, and eat as many of them as I like but NO junk (vending machine munchies, trail mix that a co-worker made at home and brought in, Girl Scout cooking)
  4. Eat a breakfast with healthy protein – my current obsession is a breakfast sandwich with one egg poached hard, lean ham or turkey, a slice of cheese, and a slice of whole grain bread – and skip the pastries when I get my nonfat latte in the morning
  5. Apply my anti-wrinkle eye and face treatments every night before bed after washing my face – this one goes to my fourth long-term goal to improve my quality of life: I’m tired of looking at my sad, tired, wrinkled face every day and there are things that can be done to make the wrinkles go away if only I’ll actually take the five minutes to do them consistently!

Signs of progress already:

  • Am joining gym tonight – Mick is signing me up under his account, the sweetheart
  • Purchased FitBit scale and activity monitor so that I can see how I’m doing with my weight loss and getting more activity
  • Have enrolled in “Making Peace With Food” class in conjunction with the Behavioral Diabetes Institute. It’s a six week program aimed at helping Type I and Type II diabetics manage their emotions without turning to food – what a concept! I really enjoyed the first class – it started last week – and feel that it will help me start thinking about food differently, which is a good first step toward getting my binge eating under control.
  • Have enrolled in Weigh 2 Eat behavioral weight management program. It’s a 16 week, 5 month program that uses cognitive behavioral therapy techniques to change unhealthy thinking and behavior to slowly and permanently lose weight. Can’t wait to start this week! It’s a huge commitment of time and money but I’m tired of losing and regaining the same weight over and over again, so I want to learn to re-train my brain.

So there’s the list. What do you think? I’m trying to take small, achievable steps without overwhelming myself, so not biting off too much at once. Give me your thoughts about other things I could be doing in the comments.

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Project Charter available for review

January 2, 2013 By 4 Comments

I’ve published the Project Charter for Project Me, in case you’re interested in reading it. This is the foundational document that authorizes any project and it sets up what is to be done, why, and how the project will lead to the desired effect. I put a lot of thought into what I want to achieve in 2013 and what is reasonable for me to do in the next twelve months, so I’ll look forward to hearing your thoughts and if you think I ought to add anything else.

At work we use the Agile method of working on a project, and I’ll do the same here. All of the work to be done on a project is defined and broken down into pre-defined periods of time called “sprints”. We’re doing one week sprints at work right now because we have so many changes in priority and availability of required materials (tax forms) is unpredictable, but I think I’ll start with two week sprints for Project Me because I don’t want to be tempted to change course based on a single (weekly) weigh in.

I’ll be back tomorrow with my two-week sprint backlog – that’s the detailed list of work to be completed and what the success criteria is for each – as well as pictures of my weigh in tonight.

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Little, tiny, baby steps

December 2, 2012 By 6 Comments

I started nightly injections of insulin a few days ago and have already had to increase the dose by 50% because the lowest dose isn’t effective. I could cry about that fact and beat myself up about my unwillingness to make the lifestyle changes that would make my own insulin effective enough to control my blood sugar, but the fact is that neither of those actions will take me in a positive direction. Once I find the right dosage, insulin will absolutely help get my blood sugar levels back where they belong and that’s just a simple truth.

At the appointment with my doctor where he prescribed the insulin, we talked about increasing my dosage of a non-insulin oral medication I’ve been taking for months, or going back to the Weight Loss clinic so they can prescribe a combo anti-seizure/amphetamine drug that’s supposed to make you forget to eat (the amphetamine option has already not worked for me), or changing up one of the six other medications I take on a daily basis. And a little voice inside my head started to scream, “Stop playing around with your health, Denise. Do what needs to be done and get on with it!” (It might have been my grandma’s voice I was hearing, to be honest, since that’s definitely what she would have told me had she been alive and in the room with me.) and so I stopped the doctor mid-sentence and told him that I’d like to start taking insulin.

5552023473 5ca5d3b410 z Little, tiny, baby steps

Wintersteps into the unknown by Stefán Freyr | Skyzography, on Flickr

Insulin isn’t the cure-all super-duper fixer-upper for my problems but it will get my blood sugar under control almost immediately (once I get to the right dosage) and that’s the big thing right now. Stop the damage that high blood sugar is doing to my body first then focus on making the rest of the changes that I need to make – eat better, exercise daily, control my stress.

As we sat in the car in the line at the pharmacy drive-through, I thought about what I need to do in order to get my diabetes under control: I just have to put my big girl panties on, take my insulin, and start making small changes for the better.

Small steps, people. Small steps.

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Stuck

November 14, 2012 By
44863659 5dbfa1d48b Stuck

QUICKSAND!!! by Mickie Quick on Flickr

I feel so STUCK.

Every evening I tell myself that tomorrow will be better, that I’ll get some exercise and eat something with good nutritional value, but I don’t do it.

I get lots of really helpful advice from real-life friends, blog friends, doctors, parents, and random folks on the street. These are well-meaning people for the most part and their advice usually has at least a kernel of usefulness, but change isn’t happening.

Today I have an appointment with my endocrinologist (diabetes doctor, for those not in the know) and I will ask him to start me on an insulin regimen to get my blood sugar into acceptable ranges; I feel like such a waste of space.

Why don’t I control my eating? Why don’t I get any exercise at all??? I haven’t even made it on my yoga mat once and my 30 Days of Curvy Yoga class ends on Saturday. What will it take for me to change???

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A post almost 45 years in the making

September 22, 2012 By 4 Comments

I told myself I’d write something here every day for a week but I forgot to write yesterday, so I guess I’m a failure and I’ll just throw this whole blogging thing out. Or maybe I’ll just write twice today to make up for missing yesterday. Perfection, perfection, perfection: nothing but 100% perfect is OK.

Sounds crazy, right? But that’s precisely what I’ve been thinking since I remembered that I hadn’t blogged last night before bed. It’s such an ingrained part of me, the need to be perfect at all times, that the insanity of it all takes a while to filter through all of the dysfunctional parts of my brain. After a tea latte this morning and some time spent wandering aimlessly around FitBloggin – surrounded by excited, happy people jumping around and shrieking with joy while Zumba-ing, mind you! – I finally remembered how unhappy I become when I shoot for 100% perfection. I mean, really and truly, the chances of being 100% perfect for the rest of my life are slim and none so why do I do this to myself?

I think it might be part of a bigger craziness whereby I think that if I can make myself perfect in every way except this poor, abused body I wander around with, then I’ll be acceptable. I can’t even remember when it started, the desire to be perfect, to never do anything bad or wrong, but it’s so much a part of me now that I don’t even think about it anymore. It’s why I spend a fortune on my hair and clothes and shoes and purses and jewelry and everything else that I can make perfect: I can buy perfection for material things but my perfect body can’t be bought, it has to be earned.

6050726754 3bcef742b7 z A post almost 45 years in the making

Perfect newborn daisy by Mukumbura, on Flickr

I don’t have the perfect plan for how to get from here to healthy but at least I know how I won’t make it happen. No more quest for diet and exercise perfection for this girl – this isn’t a race and there are no medals for finishing quickly but the rewards for treating my body with love and kindness again will be tremendous.

Filed Under: Making Changes Tagged With: , , 4 Comments
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