I started nightly injections of insulin a few days ago and have already had to increase the dose by 50% because the lowest dose isn’t effective. I could cry about that fact and beat myself up about my unwillingness to make the lifestyle changes that would make my own insulin effective enough to control my blood sugar, but the fact is that neither of those actions will take me in a positive direction. Once I find the right dosage, insulin will absolutely help get my blood sugar levels back where they belong and that’s just a simple truth.
At the appointment with my doctor where he prescribed the insulin, we talked about increasing my dosage of a non-insulin oral medication I’ve been taking for months, or going back to the Weight Loss clinic so they can prescribe a combo anti-seizure/amphetamine drug that’s supposed to make you forget to eat (the amphetamine option has already not worked for me), or changing up one of the six other medications I take on a daily basis. And a little voice inside my head started to scream, “Stop playing around with your health, Denise. Do what needs to be done and get on with it!” (It might have been my grandma’s voice I was hearing, to be honest, since that’s definitely what she would have told me had she been alive and in the room with me.) and so I stopped the doctor mid-sentence and told him that I’d like to start taking insulin.
Insulin isn’t the cure-all super-duper fixer-upper for my problems but it will get my blood sugar under control almost immediately (once I get to the right dosage) and that’s the big thing right now. Stop the damage that high blood sugar is doing to my body first then focus on making the rest of the changes that I need to make – eat better, exercise daily, control my stress.
As we sat in the car in the line at the pharmacy drive-through, I thought about what I need to do in order to get my diabetes under control: I just have to put my big girl panties on, take my insulin, and start making small changes for the better.
Small steps, people. Small steps.