…and then I had a completely crazy thought

Updates since last time:

  • Went to the gym all seven days last week
  • Tracked every morsel of food that went into my mouth using MyFitnessPal
  • Made it through a mild episode of depression without turning to food. I wanted to eat, I thought a lot about eating, but instead of eating I tried to figure out what it was that I really wanted and how to get there without food. Very interesting
  • I tested my blood sugar seven times in less than a week including my pre-breakfast blood sugars every day. I haven’t tested my blood sugar since I started on insulin injections and the readings were so high that they upset me, so I put my meter away. I committed to my Making Peace With Food group – all Type 1 and Type 2 diabetics – that I would test at least once before our next class, and then when the number wasn’t too bad, I just kept going. I’m treating it like an experiment: “if it’s this number now, what will it look like right after I finish on the treadmill?” or “I wonder what my blood sugar is this morning after I had more carbs for dinner than usual?”
129419999 1947747739 ...and then I had a completely crazy thought

Peonies by Linda N. via Flickr

So many good things are going on in my life right now and it’s wonderful but also scary. Scary because I remember what it feels like when it all goes sideways, so I’m putting in the effort now, while it’s all good, to learn how to be OK with not being 100% perfect all the time – basically learning to fail and bounce back.

Part of my strategy is to not let the scale be the sole determinant of whether or not I’m “successful”. I need to lose a LOT of weight just to be considered “overweight” (as opposed to Morbidly Obese, my current designation based on BMI) but I can’t focus on that because it’s too overwhelming, so I’m staying focused on what’s really important – my blood sugar. Good things are happening on that front, friends, and it’s very exciting! When I took my blood sugar for the first time in months last week it was 171 mg/dL which was about 40 points less than my fasting test last time I saw my endocrinologist two months ago. Target ranges for diabetics with good control are between 70 and 130 mg/dl before meals, and less than 180 two hours after starting a meal, so I knew I was a little high but was heading in the right direction. And I’ll be darned if my reading this morning before breakfast wasn’t 131 mg/dL – down 40 points in less than a week!

I also lost seven pounds this week.

And I had this crazy thought about what I can use for my long-term motivation but that will have to wait until next time. In the meantime, though, tell me how you deal with the “all or nothing”/”must be perfect in all ways” syndrome of healthy eating and exercise? Am I the only one who feels like there’s a light switch somewhere that controls my desire to eat well and exercise every day???  

Comments

  1. Denise, you are absolutely KICKING ASS and I’m so proud of you! Go go GO!

    I know weight loss is a fabulous motivator for some people, but what keeps me going long-term is knowing that eating well and exercising gives people the *same health benefits* whether they lose weight or not. And, I’m a bit older than you, so I’m looking old age in the face, and it’s important to me to maintain as much ability as possible. Sometimes it’s hard for me to remember that this is for ME, and it does help to have some selfishness.

    I understand about the light switch, unfortunately I have more than one :-)

    • Thanks for the support, Ginger! I am definitely on the “need to get and stay healthy” gig now and hoping that doing so can keep the aches and pains (and maybe lines on my face) at bay for a while. I definitely know that doing nothing will mean worsening of my sciatica plus complications of diabetes, so that’s not a good option.

      Perhaps I need to install more than one light switch, too? Something to investigate!

  2. JUst catching up. Here to support you and pray for you during this journey! I want someone as giving and thoughtful as you to be here FOREVER – so please please keep up the good work. So proud of you and know that it is not an easy

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